With one touch an unconscious craving is brought to surface of a seemingly boundless sea. One touch, one word, one look and the calm surface becomes sensation. A sensation conjured by a physical connection. instinctual energy reacts with ripples of excitement, radiating from a core over the surface until it reaches the end of sensation only to return to my core. Never loosing its intensity. Emotions from below the surface just look upon the excitement floating above, unable to shame or desert. Emotions with gaping mouths waiting to swallow my soul. Emotions of all colors leaping through the ocean, leaping for the falling rain. Unable to swallow all the tears. Hear my proposition of the moment and not a second longer. Cover my surface with ripples, overwhelm my senses, alow my emotions to settle the hunger and retreat to their depths. You my superficial darling floating on the placid surface unaware of the depth,I will apease you. I will taste you. I will enjoy you.
Live your life like a snow globe. Shake it up!
To journey March 7, 2010
at the bequest of a friend I was able to sitting on a spiritual journey session. During this session we attempted to group our energy and thought process to draw rain for the area. He explained it not as a creating a rain cloud in our specific location but as a draw for regional rain. the instruction was to think of your favorite place in all its detail and imagine that the rain was falling. the idea was to feel the rain, smell the rain, touch the rain, as if you were currently there in it. He also explained that he would provide a cadence that would mimic theta waves via a drum beep. THeta waves were explained as the joining of the left and right side of the brain. I’m curious to the neurological science associated with the description. During psychology class yesterday we discussed tonal similarities between mothers and the infants in times of caring and times of discipline. It was found that significant similarities were found in the tonal cadence and wave form for many cultures and nationalities. This makes me curious about the relation to such cadence and wave forms that are sounded by the drum. Is there an underlying tone that rings true for us all and why?
As we as a group began our session of calling the rain I closed my eyes and began to imagine my place. A black pebble beach with a full moon. The waves would roll up the beach bringing with it the small pebbles that would create a tapping, that would crashindo as the wave would peak on the beach and then a slight pause before it would start again as the wave would peak. I attempted to stay on track when I saw a person on the far side of the beach. A person that was physically unrecognizable but was known without the physical expression. I realized that I was straying from the specified task and attempted to direct my self back into the enviroment and reduce the image but he was always there. I finally gave up on making rain and began to watch the image in the rain excited at first by the pending approach. Thoughts of reunion were lifting my soul when I began to realize that his steps though they implied movement did not allow for travel. He was frozen in his own space without the potential of reaching me again. I turned to my left to see a grouping of palm trees that were dense enough to protect from the down pour. Taking my place under the leafs a began to become part of the leaves and rain. The leaves layering my head and the rain mimicking my tears. I stood there until I could no longer see through the leaves that hung from me. When I raised my arms to pull my veil away I noticed another being standing next to me, unfamiliar in every way. My hand became inclosed by his and the rain stopped. We both looked up watching the soul in the distance. Same place, same movements without progress. As the rain began to slow the image faded, as every raindrop fell it seemed to take the color from the image walking in the sand, until he no longer stood there. The soul beside me created a bed of leaves that we appeared upon lying next to one another, holding hands. I attempted to decipher facial features but was unable to bring any kind of focus above the shoulders. I then became a spectator to my own body. I floated above the to figures that were flayed out below me like two offering of fish. The colors changing in their severity and complexity creating a soup of glazed brilliance. The images lying flat with there legs dangling slight ly over an edge. THe chest open to the elements exposing the heart and great vessels. The water began to come again in intensity, running down the center fold of the leaves,, crashing into the sides of our bodies as if we were the land reacting the waves. Water poured over our limbs and into our chest filling every crevasse washing all clear and healing.
2/13/10 February 13, 2010
Wow, moments of experience over my rapidly changing out look on life. The only thoughts that seem to stay constant are joy, thankfulness and curiosity. Should I continue with this process through out my life should I never be board. I feel my experiences cross hatching my life, line by line the decorations for complete existence falling into place. I am shocked into awareness daily by moments of enlightenment that seem to have some underlying objective. Questions feel my mental space of who , how, what when, can I change things. Then an overwhelming peace that proceeds with knowledge that things are as they should be. Contradictions in my life are acceptable.
snap crackle pop November 10, 2009
Whirling whistle, snap….pop..pop
A dog begins to bark on the patio….a human begins to bark in the line.
He must feel tension created by his awkward expression.
I feel the need to express the same gutteral noises. They flow so freely from his throat.
I dont envy his insecurities but I do envy his excuss.
Im jumping with or without you October 14, 2009
Im jumping with or without you. In my swirling anxiety and internal ache that has saturated my life for the last couple weeks I attempted to convince myself that you were the stone that I would be required to land on. That if you were not underfoot, I would slip. I was convinced that if I trusted that you would be there and you were not, my fall could be harmful. I hesitated out of an unwillingness to chance a fall, for in my mind without you, there would not have been a chance. Thoughts circled in my mind as how to trust you, desperately looking for some traction. What depths I took my self to, just to find a lack of solidarity. Nothing solid in you, in me, in physicality of life. Emotionally I shut off. Gave up the effort of finding confirmation and quit. There I was sitting in my own fear, swallowed in an emotion that was not important to me. Playing this image over and over in my head when I realized. You are not my ledge, you are not my traction, you could never hold me up. Nore would I want you to.
In my dream you are there on the other side. Shouting words of confidence. In my dreams you are embracing me with open arms when I find the courage to leap. You are there to show me courage when mine has faded.
In the truth of it I could jump, landing freely on the other side without you there to catch me. Without your words of encouragements I would land were I should, when I should. I will land softly, but your arms will be missed, your words will be missed, your laughter and silly dancing will be missed. The travels will just not be the same without you. You will be missed BB
Why now? What is different? Who is different? Is it because you feel me pulling away, unable to immersed myself in the pain again? Is it because you believe that I have found someone else to replace you?
I need you to understand this step is not easy for me, confusion and mistrust has taken hold of even our friendship. At this time we have difficulty even being friends, how are we to have a relationship that brings out more demons.
These are not judgments for you but questions. Questions that my heart wants so desperately to have answered. Answered in a way that would allow a release of guilt, mistrust and the growth of an amazing relationship.
My tongue has been held sence your words the other night, not out of an intention to cause you pain, but out of uncertainty of my emotions.
I can not enter a relationship with mistrust. I must find a way to let it all go. Can I do this? Do I want to do this? How can I grow if I did let it all go? How could I grow if I let it all go and let you go? Would I be filled with empowered self confidence or would I always wonder, as you say you would? Is there a right or wrong answer?
I dont feel so. I believe there is just life. Moments to grow and learn from. Times that you can become fluid with life. Take chances